Spilling the beans

The lengths we go to in the pursuit of pain relief!

Always remembering the personal story of someone on the website Earth clinic (which I once frequented a lot, but it has changed) who put a garlic clove in a syringe and injected it into his ear canal (! Have mercy !) hoping it would provide relief, but this turned out to be a very dangerous undertaking (might seem glaringly obvious, but I understood and really felt for him as a fellow accidental warrior and those lengths we go to..) that caused an emergency worse than the one he was seeking relief for….(he recovered from the ordeal)

Sometimes these are dangerous endeavours, sometimes ‘silly’ ones, sometimes both….I had a goofy one myself!

One extremely hot summer, in my maternal land of Serbia (it might have been 2006/7) with a not so balmy 43 degrees in the shade, I decided I wasn’t the type to dangerously inject garlic cloves from a syringe, but opted for another route, perhaps also less taken (or not, in these regions)

I had heard about a psychic (clairvoyant) in town, who could- and this is what I was told, “could help you with your physical issues“. I had my reservations and doubts, but thought it couldn’t harm (no garlic/syringe, right?) so I asked my aunt, who had heard positive reviews about this individual, to take me to her and see what she had to say.

She scheduled an appointment, to be held at the psychic’s house and we set off, one afternoon, a legendary hot summer in July, in my aunt’s car that had a broken air conditioning. (desperation was high to decide to go in the hottest time of day) Puffing away in the car I kept asking my aunt if she was sure about this lady and if she had not shared personal information about me and she reassured me she did not (I wanted to be sure that what -information she would present me with was genuine) When we arrived we waited in her front garden to be let in (no shade) and it took half an hour (and several attempts of knocking, shouting, walking around her property, dialling her number and we nearly gave up, but it was far too hot and we were too close to a heatstroke to go back in the car)

When she finally appeared (bad start as I was quite p*ssed off at that point, besides the fact that it was twenty degrees warmer than what I can cope with) she could not have come out more nonchalant. In a floaty night gown and smoking (which she did not stop doing the entire visit) Pointing and addressing us like we had met before and like we were the ones who were much, much too early, (we were exactly on time) and she had so much other important things to do and still found it in her heart to help those in need who stop by unannounced (it had been booked in advance and we were paying costumers)

She gestured us to come inside in the ‘nice cool house’ (could not have been warmer if she had tried to) Once inside she immediately started arguing with a teenager (her nephew, she later told) about what sounded to be money issues (His. I afterwards thought this could have been set up between the two of them, to make you part with more of your money as you feel for them. If that was the case, it had the opposite effect on me)

Every time she made eye-contact with him, she looked back at me and winked and this happened multiple times during the visit (as the boy walked in and out repeatedly) which was puzzling to me, as he most certainly was about twenty years my junior.

Anyway, short story longer, she started and during the short time of her ‘work’, I repeatedly wished we had risked going back to the car.

“So, you have some issues, I hear.” she said. (I hoped she meant it as a conversation starter, not that my aunt had lied to me. I had already decided to confront her about who the h*ll she had brought me to) What then followed was not from a movie, not a stereotype gypsy story, but what really happened. We sat at a table in a dark room (thick, carpet like curtains) with some thin rays of sunshine managing to sneak in, somewhere, revealing lines of dust and ashes. It was unbearably hot, while she kept saying how cool it was in the house.

There was a jar of beans on the table. I thought it was an ‘inside joke‘ for psychics, a symbol so to speak (who even still uses beans to predict the future, I thought. The metaphor of ‘spilling the beans’ is not used in the Serbian language) However, it was not just decoration. She moved around some ashtrays. Kept smoking. (which made it even harder to breathe in the hot room)

She coughed (the entire time) and asked: “Do you want to see your past, your present or your future?” I wondered why I would want to see my past or present and I said I was here because I wanted to hear more about my issues from another (non-medical) perspective, for a change and how to heal. At least we were going somewhere now, I thought.

While I was trying to wave some cool air on my face, with a coaster (you use what you have) she picked up the jar of beans, seemed to weigh it carefully, unscrewed the lid and spilled the contents over the dusty table with the ashes and thin sunrays, She carefully laid a pattern, which had me amused for a while. Then she would pick them all up, put them back in the jar, shake and start the same process all over again (about five times, without speaking) I did not see the point and started to think it was meant to impress and distract from the fake facade of it all, but was anxiously awaiting the ‘big reveal‘ at this point, that would help me with my chronic pain issues’. (naive, but hey, when you know, you know)

I was used to my grandma ‘reading’ the coffee residue from cups but with non-coffee beans was a first for me. A few members of my family have had several predictions in the past (bean-less) that came to pass and were eerily spot on and with this in mind, I still had hope.

At the moment I was nearly dozing off (the heat and smoke were suffocating) she suddenly got up and hit the table with her fist, making the beans jump up from the table and nearly me off my chair.

“I knew it!” she shouted, “I knew it!!” I looked at her, waiting for the answer. Knew what? *anticipation growing*

Well…*cue sound of balloon being deflated* ….Not only was she not a real psychic but as phony as they come, a snake oil seller, a fraud, a con….thinking of more suitable descriptions. I wondered if I was even at the right address, as I would have done a better job myself….There were no words spoken about (mine or any) health issues, nor predictions that could be helpful (just a few that were complete nonsense)

What was the fist on the table and the “I knew it”? She said “the beans” confirmed my personality to her (?not sure why she thought I would care) and she uttered some vulgar words about my ‘sexy’ personality (exact words she used. Not sure what that is even) that I will not repeat here and that she could ‘see me with her nephew’ (? the teenager) I’m sure she had a goal with all this (she thought she was telling me what I wanted to hear) and money was the main one (she got paid what we agreed on beforehand and not a bean more) and we soon left her oven of a house, this time happily exchanging it for the microwave of my aunt’s tiny car, with the broken air-conditioning.

She spilled beans though…but not in the metaphorical sense. She had no shame at all in what she was doing and happily seems to join the other frauds and rake in the money from those in need, with no effort at all. When we left, there were people outside waiting their turn in the full sunshine (“Lethargic high five! Aww, you too guys….the lengths we go to…”) I took the opportunity to quickly tell them about her…..(while I kept walking) They looked dazed. Could’ve been the heat, their ailments, sorrow….but some things need to be experienced, perhaps…(and there was no physical danger)

I understand you, man with the garlic-syringe. Haven’t we all done ‘stupid’ things for relief? Now, others may not understand the logic or sense behind our reasons and reasoning to do what we sometimes do….but I say, those who know…they know….

So, this is for you ‘crazy’ accidental warriors! (at least we have the stories to ‘laugh about’ later on ;-))

Silvia.

P.S 1: I am not a psychic/clairvoyant, but I have seen people’s ailments through distant energy healings, without knowing them and with accuracy, just tuning in. That is to show you I know this can be done and exists (if you are a doubter) The charlatan bean-thrower clearly had no clue.

P.S 2: Might come as a surprise, but going to a (phony) psychic for help with chronic pain is not that much different to going to a very mainstream Big Pharma ‘specialist’ for the same thing (fill in which one, neurologist, rheumatologist…not talking about the few good ones that give value, i.e true healers) Crazy? Think about it 😉 (I reckon, the fact that you are still reading this page is because you are at least a bit open minded and a conscious being ;-))