The one you feed

You have probably heard of the tale of the two wolves about the ‘battle’ of the two sides within (good/evil) and the one that you feed, wins.

When I think of this story I also have my own take on it, considering how we perceive ourselves. (and how very important it is for our health, especially when living with chronic pain and how this affects our self-worth, which means we have to be even more conscious of it)

How do we talk to and about ourselves? Do we sabotage or motivate ourselves throughout the day? Are we our own worst critics or motivational guru’s? Which one do you want to be and are you? Which one do you feed?

I am a master self-saboteur or, let’s say it this way, I was for the longest time. As an INFJ (an introvert personality type; search for Myers Briggs) I’m a natural self-critic and analyst (perfectionist. over achiever, ocd) This can be handy at times, but can go too far into perfectionism (=fear based and paralysing) and will be detrimental to your (mental and physical) health.

If thoughts become things, imagine for a moment what effect these thoughts of toxic negativity have on us in the long run…(!)

Most of us have (childhood)trauma’s and often we are completely unaware of it. Add the insane world and system we live in (PTSD is almost guaranteed) and (‘social’)media influence (behaviour modification, priming, highly unrealistic and fake body images, oversexualisation, porn and rape culture and so on)

I was (again) reminded that I was feeding the saboteur and starving the motivator, when I heard my daughter (6 yrs.) speak to herself the other day:

She was sitting and said to herself in the mirror :

“How do you make yourself look gorgeous?”

I had just come into the room, overheard her and was expecting (but dreading) the answer would be exterior/body-oriented (make up, hair, clothes) -although she is not familiar with that ‘world’, yet hard to escape it altogether- but this is what she said:

“You just look at yourself and then you say: ‘I’m so pretty and I know it. That’s it”

I thought that was amazing and surprising. (I ‘taught’ her well, what a relief…;-))

We should all talk to ourselves like pure six year olds, don’t you think? No self-sabotage at all, it just makes sense. I’m pretty (swap with good/talented/smart/capable/courageous and so on) because I know it.

If you are that eternal inner-critic that never takes a break (opposite to the type who knows no self-criticism at all, those who push toxic positivity and narcissists) then consider this to be your cue.

Find a mirror ( or without one, but it can be confirming) and say that you are smart/pretty/worthy/loving/successful/perfect as you are/talented/ready for greatness (you get it; positive affirmations) ESPECIALLY do this if the other (insecure, scared) ‘wolf’/ego voice/saboteur/eternal critic starts to fight back and resist (no, of course you are not smart/pretty/worthy because of ‘xyz’ and so on)

This is a simple exercise (but not easy) we can do in any given moment, any day, every day, throughout the day (let’s say, every time you have a cup of tea; every time you look in the mirror; while you shower; just before bed; when you comb your hair…) Come on, we have to be THE ONE who is on OUR OWN SIDE! Who else should do it if we don’t?

Yes…not that easy, but we should actually repeat to ourselves that it IS.(remember: thoughts become things) We already ARE enough, what we need to do is not add anything, but remove the lies and untrue stories we were made to believe and rid ourselves of those blocks and hurdles (they can be heavy.. but pebble by pebble will do it too)

See it as the artist making a sculpture. Her experience is that even though she is staring at a formless rock, the finished form is already there, hidden within. She ‘only’ needs to uncover it. Peel those layers and reveal the masterpiece that you already are.

Starve the critic and feed the motivator. They say it takes 30 days to form a habit, so let’s make this one. The time will pass anyway. 30 days of loving, positive affirmations, ‘carving and polishing’ our way to ourselves.

I once noticed I had significantly less lines on my forehead (wrinkles…. those eternal pain frowns will do that to you…..Not that wrinkles should be a worry; they are most often a part of life and aging, but we all have programming within) and I wondered what I had done, but I had used no special creams and had not changed my diet at that time. All that had happened (during those months, besides being more hydrated which definitely helped) is that I felt very connected to and at peace with and within myself 🧡 The peace within was better than any make up could be and relaxed those frown muscles, if you know what I mean. Interesting to keep in mind……(I have had a lot of baggage to carry and struggles since then…..I long to get back to that blissful state)

How did you make yourself look gorgeous?

Well: *When you feel the peace within you and you know it,

your eyes will surely show it*

(wasn’t meant to sound like the nursery rhyme, but since it does, it is a good way to memorise it! :-))

Make the one you feed, the one who loves you unconditionally 🧡

Much love, Silvia

(tip: for positive healing affirmations go to vitalaffirmations.com. Search for ailments A-Z- Mind-body connection)